Arachnophobia sucks

From The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition

·rach·no·pho-bi·a (-rkn-fb-, -n-)

n. An abnormal fear of spiders.

I'm not sure my fear is, in fact, irrational. I mean, if you were bitten on the eye by a spider when you were two years old, and both your eyes swelled shut -- wouldn't you be afraid of them?

Sure seems rational to me.

Now, if there's a word to describe an irrational reaction to seeing a spider, that would fit me better. (Or even a picture of a spider.)

And what is all this leading to, you might ask?

It could be leading to the giant freaking spider that casually sat outside my bathroom door this morning, waiting for me to turn the light on and see it and go into a major panic attack in which I couldn't breathe properly, had to leave the room, tried to figure out if there was anyone I could call who could either a) come take care of that nasty, horrible thing or b) talk me down enough to be able to handle it.

Thank G-d, (really, Big Guy, I appreciate it) I had a can of cockroach spray here. K300, the weapon of roach haters in Israel.

And I actually HATE to kill bugs (except for mosquitos, which are evil). Really. I usually feel like "they haven't done anything to me, so live and let live." They're part of the food chain that G-d created, and just 'cause I'm bigger than they are doesn't mean I need to stomp them.

But the cool thing about K300 is that once you spray it, say, under the sink, no more roaches want to set up house under there for a while.

Okay, so I don't know what the long-lasting effects will be on me, as a human, but whatever. I'm sure not letting the roaches take over.

Anyway, back to the horrible, horrible, horrible spider...

Now, it's true that I have small hands. But even so, any spider whose leg span would be bigger than the palm of my hand should not be allowed in cities. It belongs out in the wild, with the rest of the wild creatures.

And this dude... this dude (dudette?) definitely exceeded size limitations for my small apartment.

Its body is at least the length of my thumb, and at least two-thirds as wide. And it has this pointy tush. That's weird.

The legs are at least two inches long. Or they would be, if they weren't curled up in death.

And really, I was sorry to have to kill it.

I really thought about whether or not I'd be able to trap it and just set it free. I did. I swear.

But who's to say it wouldn't accidentally get out and crawl up my arm and bite me?

Or decide it actually likes my cute little apartment enough to find its way back?

So death was the only option.

And approximately 1/4 can of K300 later, (it wouldn't die -- I can't help that), it crawled behind a box and curled up.

Later, after work, I'm hoping to take a picture of it and post it here, just so ya'll know I'm not exaggerating. Of course, if I do that... I won't be able to look at my own blog... but I don't have to anyway, so it's okay.

And if you think I'm exaggerating about not being able to see a picture... I'll tell you a quick story about that:

When my sister was in the U.S.Navy, she sent me postcards. One day, I got a postcard and without seeing the picture, I read the back. I don't remember what it said, exactly, but it did say something about how evil little sisters can be.

Then I flipped it over.

(Remember, it was a POSTCARD.)

There was a picture of a tarantula on it.

I dropped the postcard and screeched.

Then I realized what an idiot I looked like, standing on my porch, backing away from a postcard.

So yeah, I have an irrational reaction to spiders in all forms. Blech.

Okay... I'm going to have to walk past the spider and get ready for work...

And maybe by the time I get to work, I'll be able to stop shivering and shaking.

P.S. - I went to start getting ready, and the spider's legs had stretched out again. I thought it was still alive! So I got the good ol' can of K300 and gave it another dose. Since it didn't move, I'm really hoping it's actually dead.

P.S.2. - As promised, here are the pictures...