Three years and one day

I've been thinking about what I want to write here, in regards to my anniversary. One thing I thought about was what I've gained (and sometimes lost) by living here.

I was priviliged to be able to study Judaism full-time for a year. But because I haven't kept up with it, I've also lost a large chunk of that knowledge. I'm now working on re-learning a lot, so I can continue to move forward.

I've gained a lot of weight, and lost (thank G-d) almost all of it at this point. It was part of the acclimation, I guess, in parallel with having no money (NO money), and being at the mercy of the absorption center kitchen for food.

I've gained a pretty apathetic sense of politics, living in a country where the politicians are full of corruption and the people don't seem to do anything about it.

I've added yet another field to my already-abundant list of jobs I've held. I have not lost my desire to work in editing, so that's something I'm slowly (very slowly) working toward for the future.

But most importantly, I have gained a sense of self I could never find before, and a sense of security in who I am in the world around me.

Don't get me wrong -- I'm still living in a country where I don't speak the language well, which leads me to not participate in the world as much as I could or should. I'm still insecure about a lot of things, not the least of which is my social life (or lack thereof).

But I feel like for 32 years I was never at home in my own skin, and three years later, I finally am. I want to continue to grow emotionally, spiritually and physically (by getting stronger, and not bigger, thankyouverymuch), because I don't believe any human should ever stop doing that for long. But I no longer feel like I have to change who I am, to force my square peg into someone else's round hole.

In a way, it's weird, because I'm still a bit of a rebel, and I probably always will be.

But what it comes down to is: I am finally home.